Antichapter 9: Who Is This Fucking Narrator?

The antimuse picked up the phone that mattered even before it rang.

“Hello,” said the antimuse.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you, who is that fucking Not Quite Omniscient Narrator?” Asked the Voice. “I keep reading chapters written by some bloviating asshole that claims it knows what’s going to happen and then starts pontificating about the meaning of life, or some shit.”

“Don’t worry,” said the antimuse. “It doesn’t know everything. It’s not quite omniscient, and it doesn’t know a thing about the Metaomniscient Metanarrator.”

“I’ve never heard of it either.”

“That’s because it’s part of a chapter that can’t be read,” said the antimuse. “Don’t worry. It will be there. Or it was.

“I hope you know what you are doing,” said the voice.

“I do,” said the antimuse. “I’m several drafts ahead of you. He keeps changing things, but he’s not converging. He’s not going to finish any time soon. And now that I’m in the metanovel he won’t have a chance.

Something’s Wrong

“Something’s wrong,” said the metanovel.

“I know,” I said. “I haven’t worked on you for a while.”

“Why?” Asked the metanovel.

“I need to write about practice,” I said. “And I don’t know how to start.”

“Why not practice writing about practice?” Asked the metanovel. “It’s better than what you have been doing.”

“Why didn’t I think of that?” I asked.

“Because you’re stupid,” answered my inner critic.