Interchapter Report 1: Success In The Interchapter Break

Time in the metauniverse is not linear. It is bidirectional, self-referential, recursive, chaotic and fractal. Streams of time branch off, loop back and curve around. They disappear when they are deleted.

Time during interchapter breaks can flow in any direction and at any speed. A day might pass between two chapters. Or a minute, a week, or ten years. Time might move backward between a narrative chapter and a flashback. If might jump forward to a flash forward. Time might stop completely while the author went to the pee, as the author just did.

To prove his point, between two earlier chapters, the author was able to write a brilliant first draft; edit it and polish it to perfection; send it off to a publisher; get it accepted; get a huge advance; and sell the movie rights.

His book got rave reviews; it went straight to the top of the New York Times best-sellers list; it stayed there for nearly a year. He was invited to all the popular talk shows; he bantered wittily with the hosts and hostesses; he became celebrity; he had more than 10,000,000 followers on Twitter and Google+. He refused to have anything to do with Facebook. Mark Zuckerburg called him constantly, pleading for him to join. He told Mark to get stuffed.

Life changed for him.

He spent the last ten years of his life in the interchapter break writing the story of his life. He included all four hundred pages in the metanovel. It was exciting reading. But just before he died in the interchapter break, a fulfilled and happy man at the age of 92, he realized that most of what happened in the break was a distraction. He cut almost all of it and pasted it into a book he’ll give his kids some day.

All that was left was this report of his success.