Chapter 20: Realize Where You Really Are

“You’re in this chapter,”God said. “Very funny,” I said. “But I’m not in either chapter. I’m really sitting in my office. I’m alone,” I said. “Where is your office?” God asked. “In my house,” I said. “Where is your house,” God asked. “In Maine,” I said. “And where is Maine?” God asked. “This is getting a little silly,” I said. “Humor me while I show you how ignorant you are,” God said. “Okay,” I said. “Maine is in the United States. Which is in the North American continent. Which is on the planet Earth, which is in the Solar System, which is in the Milky Way galaxy, which is in the local cluster, which is in some universe, meta or not.” “Good,” said God. “Now relative to that whole big universe, where are you?” “I don’t understand?” I asked. “Where am I?” “Yes,” God said. “Supposing this was the space of the universe,” She flung her arms out and outlined an area. Where are you?” “I don’t quite know,” I said. “Then you don’t quite know where you are,” God said. “Not exactly,” I said. “But is that important?” “Vitally,” God said. “Why not take a guess? Just point our where you think you are?” “Alright,” I said. I thought for a moment. Earth was 93 million miles away from the center of the Solar System. The Solar System, I’d read once, was somewhere in the middle of one of the outer arms of the Milky way. I had no idea where the Milky way was relative to the local cluster. Or where that was relative to anything else. “I don’t know,” I said. “Take a guess,” God said. I pointed to a place in the space that God had made for the universe. It was about five feet across. I picked a spot about a foot from one of the edges. “I guess around here,” I said, pointing. “That’s what most people think when you ask them,” God said. “Somewhere out here. Here’s the truth. You are at the exact center of the universe.” God looked at me. “That’s a fact.” “Do you mean to tell me that the Solar System is at the center of the universe?” I asked. “It is,” said God. “But that’s not what I’m telling you. I’m telling that you are. “That’s illogical,” I said. “It’s egotistical. It’s improbable. Why should I be the one person who is at the center of the universe?” “Actually God is right,” said a man. He had a French accent. “I usually am,” God said. “She usually is,” the man agreed. Self-Referential Metanovel Writing for Dmmies “Who are you,” I asked. “I am Georges Lemaître,” he answered. “Monseigneur Georges Lemaître.” “Should I know you?” I asked. “You should,” said another man, “but most people don’t. Georges is the physicist who first hypothesized what we now call the Big Bang theory. Georges was a Catholic priest as well, but don’t hold that against him.” “And who are you,” I asked. “I am Arno Penzias,” the man answered. “And I’m Robert Wilson,” said another voice. “We’re here to explain why God says you are at the center of the universe.” Self-Referential Metanovel Writing for Dmmies