Chapter 28: Snap!

And a new one began.

The bar disappeared. We were in the back seat of a car, a Nissan Maxima, driving along the Mass Turnpike, approaching Natick.

“That’s me in the front seat, isn’t it?” I asked God.

“Yes,” She said.

“I don’t look too happy, do I?” I asked.

“F*** no.”

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“See if you can remember,” God said.

In a moment it all came back to me. I was driving to my job. After what had been the best year of my life, things had started to turn to shit, and I was in now starting one of the worst years of my life.

“I can remember,” I said. “This is something I’d rather forget.”

“Remember!” God commanded. She was serious.

“Alright,” I said. I didn’t want to, but I was remembering. It was all coming back to me. It sucked.

“Now here’s the trick,” said God. “Can you en-joy what’s going on?”

“What the f*** am I supposed to enjoy?” I yelled angrily at God.

“Find something a***hole!” God yelled back. No matter how loud you can yell, God can yell a lot louder than you. I did what She said.

I looked. And I found something. The sunlight. Even though my life sucked that day, it sucked on a beautiful day. If I couldn’t enjoy my life, I could at least en-joy my day. I recalled the remembered day and put joy into my experience of that day.

I had my health, too. That was something. I wasn’t dying like my friend Tommy would be in a few years. I wasn’t starving. There were a lot of things that I could use to enjoy that day. So I did. I appreciated the things that were good and put more joy into the day.

I was at the center of the universe. However much things sucked, that was an unalterable fact. I spread my awareness out, anchored myself as far as my mind could reach. I felt calm. I added to the joy I felt.

And I was a mistake who had made mistakes. The anger I’d felt, mostly directed at myself, began to evaporate. It wasn’t so serious. More joy.

And I was surrounded by family. With my awareness spread I felt the life around me. Trees and birds. Cousins. Everything connected. I wasn’t doing so well, but most of my family was doing great. It felt good.

“Good start,” said God. “Now let’s try something a little harder. Let’s look at the worst day in your life.”

“I don’t like that idea,” I said. “I really don’t like it at all.”

“Have a little faith,” said God.